Pronouns: The Serious Stuff

(Follow up from last weeks post - Gender)

Pronouns, we all use them, we learn them from a very basic age in school, I have used five in this sentence. Pronouns are much more important than you think, and can have disastrous effects when used incorrectly. We all know the basic ones: you, us, they, he, she and etcetera. But what about the lesser known pronouns?

There are genders that exist outside of the binary of male and female, so what pronouns should they use? Some people prefer to be called ‘ze’ or ‘xe’ instead of ‘he’ or ‘she’, but it’s also understood that new pronouns are hard to understand, and thus most people who aren't male or female use ‘they’. 

Yes I know ‘they’ is also used to describe a group of multiple people, but it’s the only gender neutral personal pronoun there is, and therefore the only option for gender neutral people. Even if you don't really understand, or find it hard to separate the plural ‘they’ from the singular ‘they’, it’s important to respect someone's pronouns and use them correctly.

Correct pronouns are not what some people deserve for being nice, they are a basic human right. Using incorrect pronouns is incredibly transphobic and can trigger extreme dysphoric reactions. If you do it accidentally, apologise and correct yourself. Breezing over it will make it seem like you're ignoring the problem, and making a big deal out of it will attract attention to you, the trans person, and the situation. Simply say ‘oops, sorry I meant [insert proper pronoun here]’, and move on.

So who uses different pronouns? Is it wrong to assume pronouns? Should I ask everyone their preferred pronouns when I meet them?

People who use different pronouns will hopefully understand if you misgender them on the first try. Assuming gender isn't too bad unless you stick to your first assumptions when they correct you, but just remember not everyone is either male or female. If you are confused or unsure, ask. It’s better to ask than to assume incorrectly.

A brief list of some genders and their (usual) pronouns:

• Male = he
• Female = she
• Genderfluid = they
• Agender = they
• Demi-boy = he/they
• Demi-girl = she/they
• Bigender = they

Please note, this is subjective to a few people I know. Whatever someone requests as their pronouns, you use.

Using incorrect pronouns, even as a joke, is a terrible thing to do. Trans people are told from a young age that they are supposed to be something they're not, and using incorrect pronouns affirms that belief. It sounds like you're telling them they're wrong, and just rejecting their personality as a whole. It takes a lot of effort to come out as trans, even more when it’s a gender that you know most of your friends have never heard of, or don't believe in.

Please respect pronouns, and use them properly.

Also remember that this blog post is coming from a cisgender persons point of view. For more information and opinions from actual trans teens on pronouns, check out this page:

https://minus18.org.au/index.php/resource-packs/pronouns