Rape Culture: Life, Advice and Rants

'1 in 3 men would rape if they knew they would get away with it.' - CDC (United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention)

I was never raped, but when I was 13 you had to wear shorts under your school skirts so boys would catch a peak when they lifted them up without your permission

I was never raped, but when I was 15 I didn’t like going running on the main road as some older men would yell out inappropriate suggestions

I was never raped, but when I was 16 a man old enough to be my father grabbed my bum while I was working as a waitress in front of a full restaurant

I was never raped, but when I was 17 I was inappropriately touched up in a festival crowd by some boy I had never seen before and who didn’t understand the word no.

I was never raped, but I get one of my colleagues to walk me home after every late shift even though I live only a five minute walk away

I was never raped, but there are things I don’t wear and places that I can’t go back too and things that I can’t face doing again because I don’t want the consequences. Its the consistent reminder of what did I do to allow that person to touch me without consent and whether it was my fault or not.

I was never raped, but I’m always, always thinking about consequences. Not the consequences of my own actions or decisions, but the consequences of someone else’s. Thinking about the consequences that might come about because someone else decides that what I’m wearing or how drunk I am or who I’m with will somehow give them permission or an opportunity.

That’s rape culture, that’s ‘boys will be boys’, that’s oppressing what we as women are allowed to do, allowed to wear and allowed to act. Rape culture is teaching girls how not to get raped rather than teaching boys not to rape. Its the fact that the World Health Organisation state that 1 in 3 women worldwide will experience some form of sexual violence in their lifetime. 

Its the fact that this month, Brock Turner was only sentenced to 6 months in jail for the sexual assault of a young woman behind a dumpster at Standford University because the judge stated 'a prison sentence would have a severe impact on him...I think he will not be a danger to others.' His father said that Turner should not have to go to prison for '20 minutes of action'. What does this say to society? That a young boy who destroys a woman's sense of personal safety shouldn't be imprisoned because of the effect it would have on him?

No one should be afraid to go out and have fun, to enjoy the things they love or be forced to wear certain things because it won't provoke unwanted attention. It should be fathers telling sons what is okay not constantly reminding women to be responsible and cautious. Its not asking 'what were you wearing?', 'did you lead him on?' and 'well you should of done this'. Society needs to place blame on those who rape not the victims of such a hideous crime. Boys will not be boys. Boys will be held accountable for their actions.

My dress is not a yes, my silence is not consent, there is no obligation, no just means no.