Rape Culture: Life, Advice and Rants

'1 in 3 men would rape if they knew they would get away with it.' - CDC (United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention)

I was never raped, but when I was 13 you had to wear shorts under your school skirts so boys would catch a peak when they lifted them up without your permission

I was never raped, but when I was 15 I didn’t like going running on the main road as some older men would yell out inappropriate suggestions

I was never raped, but when I was 16 a man old enough to be my father grabbed my bum while I was working as a waitress in front of a full restaurant

I was never raped, but when I was 17 I was inappropriately touched up in a festival crowd by some boy I had never seen before and who didn’t understand the word no.

I was never raped, but I get one of my colleagues to walk me home after every late shift even though I live only a five minute walk away

I was never raped, but there are things I don’t wear and places that I can’t go back too and things that I can’t face doing again because I don’t want the consequences. Its the consistent reminder of what did I do to allow that person to touch me without consent and whether it was my fault or not.

I was never raped, but I’m always, always thinking about consequences. Not the consequences of my own actions or decisions, but the consequences of someone else’s. Thinking about the consequences that might come about because someone else decides that what I’m wearing or how drunk I am or who I’m with will somehow give them permission or an opportunity.

That’s rape culture, that’s ‘boys will be boys’, that’s oppressing what we as women are allowed to do, allowed to wear and allowed to act. Rape culture is teaching girls how not to get raped rather than teaching boys not to rape. Its the fact that the World Health Organisation state that 1 in 3 women worldwide will experience some form of sexual violence in their lifetime. 

Its the fact that this month, Brock Turner was only sentenced to 6 months in jail for the sexual assault of a young woman behind a dumpster at Standford University because the judge stated 'a prison sentence would have a severe impact on him...I think he will not be a danger to others.' His father said that Turner should not have to go to prison for '20 minutes of action'. What does this say to society? That a young boy who destroys a woman's sense of personal safety shouldn't be imprisoned because of the effect it would have on him?

No one should be afraid to go out and have fun, to enjoy the things they love or be forced to wear certain things because it won't provoke unwanted attention. It should be fathers telling sons what is okay not constantly reminding women to be responsible and cautious. Its not asking 'what were you wearing?', 'did you lead him on?' and 'well you should of done this'. Society needs to place blame on those who rape not the victims of such a hideous crime. Boys will not be boys. Boys will be held accountable for their actions.

My dress is not a yes, my silence is not consent, there is no obligation, no just means no.

I Refuse to be Defined: Life, Advice and Rants

So after what seems forever, I felt a sudden urge to post this week. What better way to get things running again then by complaining...I don't think I have never felt more British. Its the beginning of the academic year which generally means new classes with people you may not necessarily know. This leads teachers to do the common go around the table and introduce ourselves. I have no problem with introductions, what I do have an issue with is the ice breaker that also comes up in most job interviews, 'define yourself in one word'. I'm going to be honest with you, I absolutely loathe the question. Now you have read this far you are going to find out why.

The idea that it is even possible to accumulate all your characteristics, personality and self into one single word ultimately can degrade ones worth. I'm a woman, white, twin, agnostic, enfj personality, slytherin, optimist, extrovert, rock music enthusiast, friend and many other things. How can it really be possible to combine all of these qualities into one word. I refuse to let one single word define me, peoples self worth is far more important then to be forced into reducing it down no basic nothingness. 

Even attempting to pick one single label brings about itself a whole load of stereotypes that come attached to it. These preconceived notions are different to everyone, so how could everyone understand what you mean even if you are able to chose a word. I could say I'm an extrovert, one person may say that makes me confident. I can be but I also have low self esteem. Another person could interpret that I am thick skinned, again I can be but I am also quite sensitive and openly emotional. Words can be taken in so many different ways, so associating one to a persons whole identity seems some what pointless. 

We can spend our whole lives finding ways to express who we are to the world around us. Letting history tell us how good or bad we are. Letting our past decide our future. Or we can decide for ourselves, gathering experience and belief's to create a changeable but complex identity. We mean different things to different people, that can barely be covered by human language, let alone evaluated into one word. 

Now come to think of it, I can define myself in one word. Undefinable. Because no ones worth should be restrained.

Self Esteem: Life, Advice and Rants

I could take an educated guess that most of you reading this are most likely to be teenagers. As we all know, adolescence is quite a difficult time of exams, relationships and friends. More often than not, it is also the time where most of our self esteems plummet to basically no existent as we struggle to love what makes us, us.  Self esteem is defined as a person's overall subjective emotional evaluation of their own worth. It is a judgement of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self. 

But why talk about it? Over the course of ones lifetime, the self esteem experienced can alter form high to low due to external influences we come across throughout. Someone experiencing positive self esteem will generally approach things thinking they are a good person who deserves love and support and can succeed in life. Someone with a low/negative self esteem will generally think they are not good at things, don't deserve love or support and that situations will work out badly for them. 

Many different factors come into play with whether someone is experiencing low or high self esteem. Moving school, health problems, family difficulties, bereavement, being bullied etc can all change the type of self esteem someone is currently feeling. Dependent on the person, some bounce back after time whereas some struggle with loving who they are again. 

Teenagers often have lower self esteems because of coping with the pressure of peers, body image, grades and parents. Teenage years are difficult, we are socially expected to look and act in a desirable way which can be something that people find uncomfortable. It can make teens think that who they are, isn't good enough for everyone else and then begin to assume that means they aren't even good enough for themselves. Its quite sad, don't you think?

As most of us probably know, poor self esteem can lead to more serious mental illnesses such as eating disorders, depression and anxiety. Being lead to believe that the parts of you others adore, are worhtless is such a punch in the gut. No one should believe that what makes them the person they are isn't good enough for themselves.

When you think about yourself and parts of your personality, appearance etc many tend to focus on the one person who doesn't accept you compared to all those who do. You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not found anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserves your love and affection. The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.

Take a moment and think, do I love me? If yes, your heading in the right direction. If no, believe in the positives others around you say and focus your attention on the things you value as good qualities. In this world we should being by saying: 'I'm good at...' or 'I like this part of my personality' because it shows you value yourself and that if one person finds it obnoxious, another will find it brave. The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely but is worth it because of the happiness one will experience by acceptance. 

Self esteem is as important to our well being as legs are to a table. It is essential for physical and mental health but more importantly, it is essential for happiness. If anything take one thing from this 'don't base your self esteem on others opinions' and I am sure you will do just fine

  

Choosing a University: Life, Advice and Rants

As you know, all of us girls here on Almost1998 are at the scary university hunting stage which has placed fear into where to go for the next 3+ years of our life. Though daunting it can be the best years of your life and personally, I can't wait to dive straight into the university life of making friends, surviving on my own, parties and obviously the course itself. The most important thing is that you make sure where you go is somewhere you want to stay, so here are some tips when deciding where you want to carry on your further education.

- Pick a course you love

There is probably nothing worse then getting to so much student debt to just plod along a course you don't really love. Though it may not be directly related to your future career ideas or might not be a highly recognised, don't think you shouldn't do it. If you enjoy your learning then you will want to do well and work hard because it interests you so think about what you love and go for it!

- Visit Open Days

So far this summer I have visited Bath Spa, Birmingham and today City University London and I couldn't recommend visiting as many university you have an interest in. The opens days give you an opportunity to investigate further about the course you like, what university life will be like and accomidation offers. These can help pick out which university is best suited for you

- Location, location, location 

With universities all over the country and options to even go aboard, it is important to know what kind of area you are looking to study in. Outgoing people would probably look for the nightlife so would lean towards inner city universities whereas others may look for a quite university that is a bit closer to home. It is important to know how far away you are willing to go, whether you go half way across the country or the university even where you live.

So here are just some of the tips I gathered from my trips across country looking for my new home and study in hopefully a year. Just remember this is where you will most likely stay for the maybe more than 3 years of your life so take it seriously. This is one important decision but you don't have to take it alone, talk to others around you to help with your ideas and options. For more help look at https://www.ucas.com for more information. 

Best Shows to Binge: Life, Advice and Rants

Schools out for many and after the never ending stress of exams many are looking forward to all the free time upon them. Planning social times with friends, sunbathing and holidays on most people agenda's but sometimes, its good to spend alone time. Yes summer maybe the time to get out however its okay to curl up into a duvet burrito, grab all the food and watch seasons of a fab tv show. I have done this plenty of times and I will now recommend my go to tv binge.

1. Orange is the New Black
Looking for something that will make you laugh, think wtf and cry all at once? Look no further than Netflix original series OITNB. The main focus is on Piper Chapman, a bisexual woman who is sentence to a 15 month incarceration at a federal woman's prison for transporting drug money 10 years prior. You follow Piper as she struggles to fit into prison life, to carry on her relationship with her fiancee and deal with being in the same place as her ex-girlfriend Alex who got her sentenced. The series aired in July 2013 and currently has 2 seasons of 13 episodes each, with season 3 being released on June 12th. It is the perfect binge as the all the episodes come out at once meaning 13 hours of hilarious dialogue, extremely interesting sub-plots and an all female cast. Couldn't think of a better way to spend 26 hours of my life.

2. Pretty Little Liars
One of the largest American tv shows which just celebrated 5 years since the pilot aired is of course the teen drama PLL. I manged to watch 4 seasons in 3 weeks which sounds embarrassing but each episode will have you pining for the next. Following 4 best friends Aria, Emily, Spencer and Hanna as they seek to find the truth behind the 5th liar Alison's disappearance and what they perceived to be death. Obviously there are many twists along the way which makes the suspense almost addictive. 68 hours to binge with you constantly saying 'just one more episode.'

3. Friends
The ultimate binge and a timeless classic. With all 10 seasons on Netflix, imagine how much time you can waste reliving some of the most remembered tv scenes. Such as Rachel getting off the plane, Counting all of Ross's engagements, Joeys 'how you doin?', Monica's humidity hair, how Chandler couldn't BE anymore serious and of course Phoebe's...interesting running style. So tell your parents you love them because your in for a 98 hours and 20 minute ride. Sleep? Sleep is for the weak.

So get ready because binge watching takes commitment, concentration and hard work...and your mum saying it is a 'waste of your time', 'your room smells nearly as bad as you do' and 'you disgust me'. But don't listen to the haters, alone time is happy time and we all need a good binge every now and again.

Women in FIFA 16: Life, Advice and Rants

In May, news came about of the FIFA president Sepp Blatter stepping down from his position following the fraud and money laundering scandal which resulted in arrests of FIFA officials and FIFA committee members. But what was also revealed during these troubled times for the football association is that 12 international women teams have been introduced to the highly successful game franchise FIFA 16. The trailer announcing the news was released on the EA Sports FIFA youtube channel on the 28th May 2015.

Until now only men's teams have featured on one of the most popular EA sports games, which was first released back in 1993. Sadly this long time over due revelation for women's football came with some backlash. There where plenty of comments and tweets signaling their outrage of the idea of expanding the beloved game to an increasingly significant area of the sport. Reading some of these tweets and comments made me surprisingly upset, thinking why am I crying over tweets not directed at me personally.

I was upset with these angry entitled teenage boys who were spewing misogynistic nonsense about the sport I have been apart of for 11 years of my life. They degraded women's football, considering it to be less than men's football. The common sexist, unfunny jokes such as:

Women's football has battled through so many prejudices and misconceptions to get the amount of acceptance it has achieved. Seeing these comments makes it seem that it is taking a step back but if the rest of the women's footballing community feels the same as myself, we will power on through. The Football Association in 1921 introduced a ban which disallowed women's football games from grounds which wasn't removed until July 1971. In 2004, former president Sepp Blatter suggested that women footballers should 'wear tighter shorts and low cut shirts...to create a more female aesthetic and attract more male fans.' All of these attempts to discredit and remove women's football has only increased it further, the England Women vs Germany Women friendly match at Wembley was watched by a record 45,000+ fans in the first female matched played at the famous ground. 

To believe that football is a 'mans game' is in itself, ignorant. Millions of girls and women lace up their boots and take part in the beautiful game, including myself and Round Up blogger Shannon. The over reaction to something that should of happened years ago is, in my opinion, pathetic as women's football should be recognised equally to mens. Comments saying 'why would they put women in FIFA 16 when 95% of players are boys? It makes no sense' are just incorrect. Since FIFA was launched in 1993 the number of registered female players has had a 54% increase from 2000, to a total of 4.1 million players. Just because there are less professional opportunities for women, doesn't mean we don't play football or FIFA.

So for some, women in FIFA 16 is affecting their masculinity which to be honest, isn't really a big part if they are whining about the inclusion. Many need to come out of the sexist stigma of football and realise that women are a ever growing part of the game. After years of success, lets celebrate another one because finally we are in the game!

Exercise: Life, Advice and Rants

So now a few who have finished their exams, like myself, think its time to use this new freedom to do something productive. Lets get fit! Yes exercise does help with weight loss but that isn't what it is all about. It can be used to increase you emotional, mental and physical health which generally can make someone feel better within themselves. I've got a couple of tips that are actually important for your exercising needs.

- Get a fitness friend
Having someone join in on your exercise routines can help motivate and encourage you to test your limits. It can also make exercise more enjoyable and can include a social side to it. I go running occasionally with a large group of people and it makes me want to go running as I just enjoy going with those guys. Fitness friend is definitely someone to get. 

- Perfect playlist
If your like me, music is essential to stop running from being boring. It can really help you get into the groove of running but make sure it isn't too loud if you are going road running, just so you can hear out for cars. People listen to all different types of music when they are running, for me it has to be lots of guitars and a good drum solo. Others may even listen to Beethoven's symphonies but again it is whatever floats your boat.

- Water your new best friend
Whether your are off to the gym, boot camp or any exercise it is so important to stay hydrated. Drinking plenty of water during exercise helps to stay energized and make your workout the best it can be. 

So if you want to step up your fitness game this summer, you go for it. Remember don't go at hundred miles a hour, it is important to do what works for you. Take it a stage at a time and before to long you will the peak of fitness! 

Festival Tips and Tricks: Life, Advice and Rants

Though you may not believe it, yes this is a Life, Advice and Rants post! Exam season for me is finally over! Please spare a moment for my shrieks of glee and uncontrollable fist pumps. Anyway, now the main thing I have to look forward to now is Reading and Leeds Festival at the end of August. Festivals can be an amazing experience for everyone but I think most of us know its not only the music that entices the crowds every year. Not always being the safest place, its good to be prepared. Below are some tips and tricks to help you make it out of a festival with all intact.

1. Be careful of the dodgy stuff
Look I get it, drugs are a big part to play in the festival scene. Its ignorant to believe people won't be on them, or try to sell them to you. Don't take substances from strangers, there can be anything in there. Some of the stuff isn't clean so take care if you use them. The same amount of care applies to alcohol as well. We all want to get merry but make sure you are hydrated with water as well because most of these festivals are going to be in hot weather. Dehydration isn't fun, trust me.

2. Leave valuable items at home
A good rule for when you are attending a music festival: don't bring anything that you wouldn't want to have stolen. You might think its a great idea to bring along your fancy new camera to get some great shots but it is so likely it will be broken or stolen. Phones are relatively necessary but maybe not your beloved iPhone. There is mud, water, heat and rowdy crowds all ready to destroy it so probably best you leave it at home

3. Plan it out
One of the most annoying things is missing a set you really wanted to see only because you didn't have your days planned out. The majority of the big festivals allow you to create your own schedule on their websites so you can save it and print it out. If the festival you are attending doesn't offer this then just simply make your own.

Music festivals are amazing opportunities to see a wide variety of bands, meet fellow music lovers from all over and maybe even see the next big thing. So follow theses tips and tricks and hopefully you will have the best time possible!

Stereotypes: Life, Advice and Rants

You guys reading this right now most certainly cannot say you have never used a stereotype to define people you met for the first time. Though we may not say it out loud, in our minds we have created a general view of the person from ideas we have been introduced to our whole lives. People often view stereotyping as a negative thing as it judges a 'book by its cover' whereas it can be helpful when creating a first opinion of someone when you know not a lot about them. I just wanted to investigate the differences between using stereotypes negatively and positively.

From a young age we are told about what we should do based on our gender, race, religion and many more. We are told boys play sports and work whereas girls cook and care for children. We are told black people are more prone to being criminals than white people. We are told Muslims are extremists not Christians. Though these seem past views when stereotyping was far more extreme they still relate to thoughts we have now. Stereotypes can effect a child immensely, boys feel like they can't show emotion or cry because its not 'manly' or shows them to be weak. Young girls are discouraged to do subjects such as science, math or engineering because they believe they aren't good enough for it. Racial stereotypes can make kids of a race minority perform poorly in school. These stereotypes shape our views, beliefs and life because we are taught that is what we should do.

Many however deify these stereotypes by breaking away and doing what they want to do for themselves. Kelly Smith is one of the most recognised names in English women's football and my personal idol. Though she announced her retirement from her international duties for the Lionesses, she holds the record goal tally for the England woman's team however even more impressive is she is ranked 4th in all time top goal scorers for England! She inspired so many girls, such as myself, to get their football boots on and break tradition that football is the 'mans game'. 

So if you want to play the sport not associated to your gender you go out there and you do it. You wear your hijab with pride because you are happy of what your religion does for you.To remove stereotypes from our lives we need to stand up and show we are more than the picture others have created in their mind the moment you say hello. Stereotypes lose their power when the world is found to be more complex than the stereotype suggests. When we learn that individuals do not fit the group stereotype, then it begins to fall apart.

Girl Crushes: Life, Advice and Rants

Okay so for today's post its going to be kind of more focused towards the female members of our audience as I want to discuss the term 'girl crush'. A 'girl crush' is a common phrase used by generally teenage girls to define women who inspire them, that they idolise or who they aspire to be. 

Calling someone your 'girl crush' has often been misinterpreted as sexual desire for said woman however in many cases it is simply not true. Other may have a sexual attraction towards their girl crush, stating them to be 'the only girl I would ever have sex with'. Often these crushes are celebrities, women that are do amazing things or just keep us entertained with their talent, humor and beauty. With so many women in the spotlight that offer themselves as such good role models it is hard not to find just who they are to be attractive, its not just about how they look! I'll be honest, I have a massive girl crush on actress Anna Kendrick. Yes she is hot, but I read her twitter if I ever feel down because she is awkwardly hilarious. She is an amazing actress who has conquered both chick flicks, musicals and drama to create a creditable reputation which got her a Best Supporting Actress nomination at the 2010 Oscars. This crush on her isn't romantic (okay maybe a little), its focusing on her personally and her achievements which make me really want to be her best friend. Or be her. I haven't quite figured that one out yet.

Women, especially young women, have always had such feelings of adoration for each other. Social scientists suspect such emotions are part of women's nature, feelings that evolution may have favoured because they help women bond with one another. Theses girl crushes don't have to be the celebrities we would never met, they could be women in everyday life that you want to confidence boost because you see how amazing they are. My friends and I never think twice to tell another that their bum looks good in those jeans or randomly kissing them at parties when we have had a few too many. It doesn't necessarily mean we suddenly want to start our lesbian love affair together. 

Now a days its far more acceptable to embrace our girl crushes and to not be worried people will question our sexuality if we think some girl is hot. We can appreciate and admire a woman's beauty, intelligence, humor and personality. Women supporting women is what we should be doing instead of bashing down what it means to be a woman. So embrace your girl crushes because you know what, its okay to appreciate what it means to be a woman.

Dealing with Crushes: Life, Advice and Rants

Adolescence can be a difficult time for most, growing up with hormones raging all over the place. Crushes are bound to develop making most of us go a little bit crazy. They can be improbable celebrity crushes such as my heartache for Andrew Garfield (if only I got caught in his web...) or the cutie that sits next to you in biology. This however isn't the movies so sadly they don't miraculously understand your feelings and slow-mo run towards you ready to whisk you away into the sunset...*sigh*. A last there are SUBTLE ways to drop hints towards your crush which I will share with you today.

- Talk to them in person
 Admiring from a far maybe a short term but if you really like them at some point you will have to interact with them. When you gather the courage to talk to them make sure you are 100% you. Being yourself is the best way to test compatibility so don't start conversations about things you know they are into but you have no idea about. You'll find things in common if they are right for you.

- Know its going to take time
Most of us aren't lucky to get the crush straight away, its going to be a journey trust me. Make sure you know where you stand whether you are friends, acquaintances or complete strangers. The best things come out of hard work and commitment however don't focus all your energy on that one person. There are also other important things that go on during your teenage life.

- Confidence
For some its natural however, others are shy and may not have the ability to just walk up to someone and say 'hi'. Maybe try messaging them so you don't have the face to face conversation your not ready for and then when you are comfortable, go and talk to them.  

Occasionally crushes don't go to plan however don't let this ever put you down. People come and go in life and love so just relax and let it happen. You can speed up the process but remember, the crush you have today you may look back and ask yourself 'why?' Have fun and enjoy whatever company will come your way.

Life After School: Life, Advice and Rants

The topic that is often brought up the moment you hit year 11 until your last moments of your secondary school life. Your future. For most teenagers it is such a daunting subject and the word most drilled into your head by parents and teachers. Constantly being reminded that everything you do will result in your future can be off putting for some and can cause confusion, doubt in your ability as well as negativity of your options. Though we want to stay children forever, growing up and moving on is a part of life that we cannot ignore. You have just got to understand the whole range of options available for your future and that you can do anything you want! Here are some possible choices you can make for life outside of secondary school.

- University

The most common decision to make after finishing compulsory education is to then go and search higher education at Uni! Moving away and surviving on your own may not be to everyone's taste however many enjoy the independence and the opportunity to meet new people. You can specialise in a subject that you enjoy the most and gain more knowledge to get that degree 3-4 years down the line. Even if you don't want to do a full degree you can apply for Higher National Certificates (equivalent to the first year of a degree course) or Foundations Degree's/ Higher National Diplomas (equivalent to the first two years of a degree course). Just having a degree can open up more job opportunities and give you good skills to proceed in life. Try using https://www.ucas.com/ for help when deciding a undergraduate degree.

- Apprenticeships 

Combining work and learning can be a win, win situation for some. Earning a wage as well as gaining new skills in a particular profession you want to do in the future. Though they are available when you are sixteen, there will be more opportunities and a chance to do higher apprenticeships after completing A levels. They are also available from all different job sectors, from paralegal to plumbing and even support technician there are a whole range of apprenticeships that suit you. They can be such a good step towards your dream career so for even more info check out https://www.gov.uk/further-education-skills/apprenticeships.

- Travel

Having been at school for a consecutive 14 years of your life may be a good enough reason to have a year out of learning and just go travelling! Whether it is working aboard or just an chance for adventure, there is a whole world out there of chances to gain experiences and memories that will last a lifetime. It can also be a chance for you to decide what to do after travelling, that's if you even come back! With such a competitive job market and university placement, travelling in a gap year can be a big boost on your CV as well as something to please university admission tutors. So if you can and you want to, why not! You might as well do it now why you don't have commitments, bills, debts or a family to worry about. You can find some amazing travel packs on http://www.gap360.com/ to places all around the world.

These are just a few of the options you have after A-levels, so don't stress. Your future is just around the corner so do what you want, you have the rest of your life ahead of you. The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time, so get in control and shape it the way you want to go.

'What'll we do with ourselves this afternoon? And the day after that, and the next thirty years?' - The Great Gatsby

Or you can always take Charlotte's advice:

Concert Etiquette: Life, Advice and Rants

So last week I got the chance to go and see Halestorm at the Roundhouse theater in Camden. For those of you who don't know, Halestorm are a female fronted rock band from Pennsylvania that would probably be best know for winning a Grammy for Best Hard Rock/Metal Performance with their song Love Bites So Do I. I could talk a while about them but sadly that isn't what I had in mind for this blog post...though here's a picture of the night below:

Anyway what I actually want to write about this week is concert etiquette. To clarify 'concert etiquette' refers to a set of social norms observed by those attending a musical performance. We all have certain issues when it comes to concerts and the people that attend them with you. I find this more a common problem in standing areas. Thousands of people squished together like sardines may not be everyone's idea of fun however, its the price many of us are willing to take in order to be as close as possible to the action. Though it can be one of the best nights of your life, certain people may manage to ruin it by their lack of knowledge of 'concert etiquette'. So that is where this post comes in handy! Listen to the standard etiquette below and you wont have to fear about being the person everyone vents about the next day.

1. If someone wants to leave LET THEM.
Many like the atmosphere of a cramped, sweaty messy of concert goers however, others may realise it isn't for them. Its something you don't know you like until you are in that situation so please allow anyone who is uncomfortable to leave. Blocking people in so your as close as possible can be scary for some so think about the people around you.

2. Move if there is space but DON'T SHOVE.
If you can get closer then by all means move into that space but don't think its your right to push anyone in front of you. They have probably been standing in that one spot for a number of hours so to be honest, they deserve to be there. If you come rocking up 30 minutes before a set is about to begin and force-ably moving everyone in your path then you need to reevaluate your choices. Where you raised in a barn?

3. During the actual performance STOP TALKING
There is no problem saying something quickly between songs or a casual comment here or there but not through the entire concert. The middle of a concert is not the perfect time to for you to discuss who's going to the party next weekend or what you are going to wear. Or even on going commentary about whoever is playing, just enjoy the music you have paid to see!

There are plenty more that I am sure sprung to you mind the moment I mentioned 'concert etiquette'. Going to concerts are amazing, nothing beats seeing the artist you love up close and personal with their live music ringing through your ears. Just remember its not just you in that crowd, others want to experience the same as you. Enjoy whatever music you are into and always make sure you and everyone else are having the best possible time.

  
  

Jealousy: Life, Advice and Rants

Jealousy is one of the worst emotions most people will experience in their life time. It can pull apart any relationship, whether it be romantic, a friendship or even within family. Jealousy puts people that experience it down, and damages their self worth and esteem. As writer Elizabeth Bowen wrote 'jealousy is no more than feeling alone against smiling enemies.' Jealousy isn't something we have much control over. In truth, it is a natural instinctive emotion that almost everyone experiences. It can bring out the worst in people, you can see sides of yourself you never knew existed and can possible change others opinions of yourself. 

One thing we need to clarify is the difference between jealousy and envy. Jealous is worrying of losing something you already have whereas envy is wanting what someone else has. I find jealous to be the worst of the two. Jealousy seeks to prevent loss, having some of the best things in your life swiftly taken away is a harder blow then not experiencing something you never had. 

Jealous behaviour is often stereotyped to females, the crazy ex-girlfriend is a widely used interpretation of the emotion. According to many psychologists, woman are inclined to be jealous more often simply because they tend to be more honest and in touch with their emotions compare to males. However, the triggers of jealousy are more or less the same for both genders. 

The effect jealously has on the person experiencing it can completely alter their personality. Though only temporary it can further damage other relationships, not just the one you are jealous in. Insecurities start to arise as well as complete removal of any self worth and lowered confidence of yourself. 

So why talk about it? Recently in my own life I have been dealing with situations of becoming jealous myself however, I am beginning to realise it was never worth my time. It is a bitter emotion that controls lives, we must be confident in ourselves and what we are truly worth. If you fear of losing some or have lost some one then think, if they sway so easily are they the right person to be in your life? You need the people who you are confident that whatever obstacles you experience within your relationship won't cause that relationship to end. 

Jealousy often comes from comparison to other, we must learn the only person you should compare yourself to is you. Work on out doing your previous achievements instead of worry, for example, how your sibling is doing. A healthier thinking process and higher confidence in yourself will lower your chance of becoming jealous.

Though a feeling many of us wish we lived without, it plays apart in all of our lives whether we are jealous or others are jealous of us. We must grow from it instead of allowing it to ruin relationships we enjoy and want to continue to be a part of. Never doubt your worth because someone will always stay by your side whatever gets in your way.

Travelling: Life, Advice and Rants

So you may already know but myself, Charlotte, Shannon, Elana and Rosa came back from a 3 day trip to Disneyland yesterday! Here is a picture of us in the Disney village:

                                                      

This was my first time travelling out of the country without the watchful eye of a parental guardian and for the trip we had to navigate, feed and generally sort ourselves out. I have to say it wasn't as stressful as people make travelling to other countries out to be however I understand that others may not cope as well. This is why I have come up with a list of do's and don't's when preparing to travel aboard.

DO: Wake up early

Holidays don't come everyday, one minute your on the sandy beaches of a exotic hotel and the next your stuffed inside a freezing cold classroom. Make the most of the time you've got, you can always sleep when you get home! Having more of the day to do things you will enjoy and make memories you will share forever is worth more than an extra hour in bed.

DONT: Worry about WI-FI

Many hotels draw more crowds in if the provide free internet connection as they know people cannot live without tweeting everything they do on holiday. On our recent trip, there was no internet and to be honest I was quite glad. We had so much fun just laughing and talking together without the constant need to be glued to our phones. Don't prioritise the need for wi-fi as it isn't a necessity.

DO: Take lots of photos

You may only see these places & meet these people once in your lifetime so make sure you will remember them forever with plenty of photos. Don’t worry about looking like a “tourist”, trust me most people will be doing the same. Great photos are the ultimate souvenir. They don’t cost anything, they’re easy to share with others, and they don’t take up space in your luggage.

DONT: Lose track of your spending

Of course you should buying gifts and souvenirs as a way to remember the fantastic time you spent in a country, just don't forget the necessities. Know how much you have to spend and ship wisely. Haggle if you want, stalls and street sellers will usually try to sell at the highest price but will lower prices if you are confident enough. Eating, drinking and having a safe place to stay should always be top of your list when spending.

There are some few tips that I hope will increase your chance of having good experiences when you travel. Remember that we have a limited amount of time the do everything you love, whether it be jungle trekking, exotic sun soaking or just Butlins down the road. Holidays give the chance of new friends, new tans and new memories so never be afraid to pack up a leave because if you can...why not!

Cheering Up Friends: Life, Advice and Rants

I don't know about you but I cannot stand to see my nearest and dearest upset, angry or usually quite. When you see them like that its like a piece of you hurts with them and whatever you try and do doesn't seem to work. Its hard cheering up the friends you love, it is like convincing the sun of its own warmth. Here are some of my tips to let them know you will always try to make it better.

1.Empathize not sympathize

Sympathy is about feeling sorry for someone, rather than feeling their pain with them. You want to feel what they are feeling and let them know that you're engaging in their pain with them. It creates an understanding and makes them feel like they are not going through this pain alone, you will always be right beside them.

2. Don't make it about you

This goes with the point above. There is a difference between relating to their problems as a method of helping them not feel alone and turning the whole issue about you. It is a easy yet costly mistake to make. Ask open-ending questions instead of jumping in with your feelings, experiences and perceptions.

3. Listen to them

Take care and attention to everything they tell you and make sure they know it matters to you. Active listening especially shows you care about them and that they are being heard. More often than not, knowing someone takes time to listen to their thoughts and feelings is the biggest gesture. 

4. Make them laugh
I always find laughter to be the best medicine. Try to reminisce about funny memories shared together or embarrassing stories about yourself. It is also a distraction technique, focusing their attention on the past times you and their other friends have shared together that makes an inseparable bond that keeps your happy. 

5. Be optimistic
Show them there can be a silver lining to their situation even if they cant see it for themselves. Being optimistic is a mindset and can be infectious when used right. For example if your friend doesn't have confidence in there own self then show them that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, this is what makes us unique and beautiful. Make sure they know you will always love them for who they are.

We all have friends that mean the world to us, whether its many or a select few. They are in our lives for what we all hope is the majority of it therefore we must strive for their total happiness. For me, my friends are one of the best things in my life and I would always do whatever I can to make their lives the best they can be. Friends show their love in times of trouble, not happiness. The one piece of advice I hope you gather from this is that the best way to cheer up a friend is for them to know that they make your world a better place.

Privacy: Life, Advice and Rants

Quite a few people don’t want everyone to know their whole private self, whether that will be their sexuality, parts of their personality or even their personal information. Privacy helps individuals maintain their autonomy and individuality; people define themselves by exercising power over information about them. Even if privacy is not in itself a fundamental right, it is necessary to be able to protect other fundamental rights we have.

Constantly there are issues surrounding privacy being breached by companies and even other human beings. It doesn't always have to be computer hackers stealing your information off of your Twitter, it can be people you meet every day that want you to reveal more than you are comfortable. We should be in control of what certain individuals know about us and not have fear of random strangers turning up at our door.

Celebrities struggle with keeping a lot of their personal life to themselves as they are constantly in the media spot light as well as their own fans even pressuring them to reveal more than they desire. Such examples include private nude photos of people such as Hunger Games actress Jennifer Lawrence and child star Dylan Sprouse being publicly released without their consent. Most recently Canadian actress Natasha Negovanlis, known for her role as leather trouser wearing lesbian vampire on the Vervegirl web series Carmilla, has recently been dealing with a fan finding her home address and another stalking her friends and families Facebook accounts looking for pictures of her. Below is parts of the Tumblr post she uploaded explaining the stalking situation.  The full post cannot be found on the site anymore.  

‘Do not be alarmed, they are not currently stalking me at work. What they are doing however , is virtually stalking all my friends and employers from both my past and present – perhaps in order to be the first person to post photos of me that my fans haven’t seen yet?...

And yes, it is a bit weird for me to see photos from my past spread on the internet – especially since I don’t remember some of them being taken, and some from deeply personal events...

The only sad part form me is that it invades the privacy of the people I know and care about...and now there are pictures of them all over Tumblr for thousands to see...’

I personally do not understand how certain people feel the right to know everything about a person and even go to the extent to stalk. They justify it by believing because they are celebrities they should be telling them, this is of course completely ridiculous. No one should feel pressured to releasing more of their private life than they believe is acceptable whether they are famous or not. Living in a world driven by social media has made it so easy to find personal information about anyone. Stalking someone on the internet is no different than following them in the street; it is only considered less creepy because you can’t actually see them. This cannot be seen as tolerable, it is still essentially stalking.

I’m not saying don’t use any social media because they will all use your information against you. I am an avid Tumblr, Twitter, Instagram and general internet user that enjoys going on these sites daily. In our current generation it is common for most of us to use these sites however we must still be safe when knowing how much is suitable for the whole world to have at a push of a button. In digital era, privacy must be a priority. Historically, privacy was almost implicit, because it was hard to find and gather information. But in the digital world, whether its satellites or just what you click on, we need to have more explicit rules. Privacy is not an option and it shouldn't be the price we accept for just getting on the internet.

Though everyone’s privacy should be equally respected and acknowledge this however isn't the case. It makes me frustrated when some people believe they have a right to know personal information when the truth is, if someone doesn't tell you it, you don’t need to know! So always know your limits, never reveal more than you are comfortable with and just stay safe.

Single on Valentines Day: Life, Advice and Rants

Welcome to Valentine week here on Almost1998! We all know what its about don't we? Valentine’s Day is full of love, happiness and enjoyment...if you actually have some to share it with! If you are like me, February 14th is just another day of being single but with discounted chocolate for the next day. So while some of your friends are out for dinner being all loved up, you are bitterly sitting at home enjoying the company of yourself and a really bad movie. Or is that just me? Anyway we don’t have to spend the evening feeling sorry for ourselves, we have to take some action (or get some action). Here are some ways how to own being single on Valentine’s Day with a few ‘please for the love of God don’t do’ on this day of love. 

DO: Hang out with other single friends
Your all lonely, so why not just do it together! I mean Valentine's Day is about celebrating love but who said it had to be romantic love? Meet up with your best ones and watch movies, eat chocolate and just have a good time. Just try and stay clear of Bridget Jones, it will only make you feel worse. 

DO NOT: Get drunk and call an ex
I will personally come over a cut your hand off just to be certain. Whether its to shout about how much you hate them or plea them for their love, it is the worse idea you could have ever thought of. Especially when your drunk, this will lead to embarrassment and humiliation. 

DO: Be happy regardless of your relationship status
Does it really matter whether you are with someone on this commercialized day solely invented to suck more money out of the general public? Use it to celebrate the strengths and achievements that testify to you being a whole and healthy person, a person who has space for love should it come along but who does not need such a relationship to create self-worth, happiness or confidence.

DO NOT: Feel sorry for yourself
Ugh I find it so annoying when people over dramatize the day because they are single. It just gets on everyone's nerves so don't be that person. Instead of whining about it maybe you could do something about it or just realize your not going to have a Valentine's every single year.

So just call me the Anti-Cupid because you don't need no one else to make you better than you are. If your in a relationship, have a good time with the person you love. If your not in a relationship, there are plenty more Valentine Day's to come for you to enjoy with a partner. Until then enjoy it regardless because remember it is just another day.

Dealing With Change: Life, Advice and Rants

Change is a natural part of life, and everyone faces it at one time or another. Some may feel excited about change that involves a gain however, others may worry about a change that involves a loss. Some may find it much easier to make gradual adjustments than to face a sudden upheaval in everyday life. We all reacted differently to change, some embrace it whereas others can't deal with it. 

As human beings, we're wired to stick with what's comfortable and change can bring about a lot of stress because we feel as though it interrupts our everyday lives. I'm here to help you understand change is usually for the better and that there are ways of dealing with it. I have some tips for dealing with upcoming stressful change in your life:

- Be prepared
When expecting change ask yourself "what's the worse that could happen?" This question will force you to look a the worst case scenario then work back from there. It's forcing yourself to look at what could go wrong and finding strategies to do your best to prevent this.

- Accept the changes
Life is full of unexpected surprises; don't let this be a lesson you refuse to learn. Change will be a part of your life, no matter how much you may try to shelter or protect yourself from it. The major key to coping with change is to begin by accepting the reality of change and its inevitability

- Keep a open mind
Try not to jump to conclusions about the change you’re facing. Just because you haven’t done something before doesn't mean you won’t like it. 

- Take care of your health
Physical and emotional health can take a toll when dealing with any change. Just take
extra care to eat a healthy diet, exercise regularly and get enough sleep. This will help relieve stress of change and help you be fighting fit to deal with it.

- Face your feelings
Think about this thoroughly, especially when the change is imposed and beyond your control. Get past "Why me?" "But I don't want to!" and "It isn't fair!" Figure out what your fears or worries are and that takes work but you don't have to be a victim, even when you are not in control of the change.

Progress in life is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.We can't just go back and start a new beginning but we can accept the changes today and start to make a new ending.