Asexuality: The Serious Stuff

Out of all the sexualities, the one that seems to be the hardest to understand is asexual. In scientific terms, asexual beings are life forms that are able to reproduce with themselves, examples of this are plants, fungi and some forms of fish. However when referring to sexual orientation, the word takes up a new meaning.

In the LGBTQ community asexuality is a more of an umbrella term. Yes there are certainly people who identify as asexual, those without any sort of sexual attraction, though there are many different types.

There are variations of asexuality, in a spectrum. There is:

demisexual, - only feel sexual attraction after they've formed a strong emotional bond with someone

grey-asexual - very rarely experience sexual attraction though it still happens sometimes. An asexual can fall anywhere on the spectrum

lithsexual - feel sexual attraction towards others but do not want it reciprocated or lose interest when it is

cupiosexual - never or very rarely desires a relationship, even if attraction is felt

quoi-sexual - cannot differentiate between types of attraction (see below)

aro/ace-flux - fluctuates along the spectrum daily

Though it is important to note that sexual attraction isn't the only type, there are many reasons you may be attracted to someone.

platonic - the desire for friendship with a certain individual, also called a squish

aesthetic - finding someone's appearance attractive or pleasing to the eye, this type can occur on it’s own or with other attractions

romantic - desire for a romantic (but not sexual) relationship with someone, often coupled with sensual and/or sexual attraction

sensual - desire for sensual contact (hugging, cuddling, kissing, holding hands, etc) with someone, often coupled with romantic and/or sexual attraction

Asexual is not to be confused with aromantic, which is lack of romantic attraction. Aromantic is a type of romantic orientation, the romantic versions of sexualities. Similarly, there is also demiromantic, grey-aromantic, etc. 

The lack of sexual attraction doesn't mean that asexuals won’t engage in sexual activities. Yes, there are some asexuals that are completely repulsed by the idea of sex, but many aren't. Though their relationships are not built on sexual attraction, they will still have sex or other activities for their partner's sake. Also they may like having sex, cause it feels good, they just don’t base attraction on it.

A lot of the acephobia and general misconceptions asexuals have to put up with come from the media. So much of what we see is based around love or sex, focusing on the ideas that life without these things is worthless and sad, when for asexuals it is preferred. This means that a lot of asexuals who don't know who/what they are think that they are broken or that something is wrong with them. 

The TV show ‘Sirens’, which follows a team of Chicago EMTs, is one of the only shows I've seen that has an asexual character. It’s a big leap in asexual representation and I love it.

Asexuality is perfectly natural, and not feeling that sort of attraction is not wrong. Sex and relationships are pushed as such an imperative thing to life, especially when you're a teenager, but this simply isn't true. Relationships can be formed and sustained just as strongly without those desires, and the lack of sex does not invalidate them. Asexuality is completely valid, you are not broken. 

Sources:

http://www.asexuality.org/home/

http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Gray-A_/_Grey-A

http://ace-with-grace.tumblr.com/post/64865371105/i-made-a-powerpoint-on-asexuality-as-ive-seen

Gun Control: The Serious Stuff

Though I try to keep these posts fairly unbiased, it is almost impossible for any article of any type to be completely unopinionated. This may show in this post more than others, so this is a heads up for that.

Gun control is a widely discussed topic across the board of many countries. Guns are the easiest, quickest, and most efficient killing machines, and have caused the death of millions. Though the person pulling the trigger is responsible rather than the gun itself, guns certainly make killing easier and more accessible. 

Usually for these articles, I find images to make the post isn’t just a boring block of text. Typing ‘gun control’ into Google Images was a surprising adventure though, as 70% of the pictures were against gun control. These are the first two pictures relative to gun control:

However, changing ‘gun control’ to ‘gun control statistics’ shows a different story. These are the first two pictures relative to gun control:

So what does this tell us? The facts and propaganda are clearly separate, so who is right? Well, that’s up to personal opinion.

One of the places gun control is discussed the most, is the USA, as you can see above, that’s where the propaganda and statistics are based. America’s second amendment protects ‘the right to keep and bear arms’, essentially meaning they are allowed to have a firearm if they wish. This is one of the main arguments against gun control, as it would be deriving from tradition and a breach of rights.

However these amendments (the main 10) were created in in 1789, and ratification was completed in 1791. Since then times have changed, and guns have become more efficient, accessible, and overall deadlier.

Lets look at the statistics.

Firstly, let's compare statistics between countries. The two articles I chose to cross reference the data between gun control and deaths by firearm were very extensive over 49 countries. In the interest of not having to wade through mountains of data, I have chosen just 8. South Africa, Canada, Mexico, United States, Japan, United Kingdom, Australia and Sweden. (Please note that these locations were unbiased choices.)

From this, we see that countries with the stricter gun control laws have less gun violence. The United Kingdom has the least gun violence, and is the only country on the list to have an outright ban of most firearms. This is a clear correlation, and makes us wonder why other countries don’t have a similar gun control laws in place.

Here’s why.

In 1976, the Washington, D.C. City Council passed a law generally prohibiting residents from possessing handguns and requiring that all firearms in private homes be 1. kept unloaded and 2. rendered temporarily inoperable via disassembly or installation of a trigger lock. The law became operative on Sept. 24, 1976.

During this time, the Washington, D.C. murder rate averaged 73% higher than it was at the outset of the law, while the U.S. murder rate averaged 11% lower. The spike in death rates caused the law to be struck down in June 26 2008 by the U.S. Supreme Court in a 5-4 ruling as the law was unconstitutional.

There was a similar case in Chicago in 1982, as the city instituted a ban on handguns. This ban barred civilians from possessing handguns except for those registered with the city government prior to enactment of the law. The law also specified that such handguns had to be re-registered every two years or owners would forfeit their right to possess them.

Since the outset of the Chicago handgun ban, the percentage of Chicago murders committed with handguns averaged about 40% higher than it was before the law took effect. In 2005, 96% of the firearm murder victims in Chicago were killed with handguns.

In June 2010, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled (5-4) that Chicago's ban was unconstitutional, and it was repealed.

This is evidence against the effectiveness of gun control in the United States, and contradicts evidence of successful gun control in other countries. 

Why?

There are many possible factors of this, perhaps due to the culture, media differences, individuals, politics, religions, or the fact that there is no limitations on travel between states, and that people with guns from other states could have easily spied Chicago and DC as easy targets during these times. The point of gun control is to restrict criminal activity with guns, not to restrict the protections of victims. Due to the lack of state border control, these bans did not reduce the criminal activity, just the citizen activity, and therefore they did not work. That’s why gun control in countries work, as they have strict border control.

It seems that without a consistent ruling across all the states in the USA, something that is practically impossible due to the individual rulings and governments of the states and the way their political systems work independently, gun control will be ineffective. However this doesn't mean it won't work in other cases, as the USA is not the only country to have problems with gun violence. 

Sources:

https://www.justfacts.com/guncontrol.asp

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_firearm-related_death_rate

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Overview_of_gun_laws_by_nation

https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=gun+control&espv=2&biw=974&bih=884&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=-BxrVeiBLoH-sAHgz4DwBg&ved=0CAcQ_AUoAg

https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=gun+control&espv=2&biw=974&bih=884&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=-BxrVeiBLoH-sAHgz4DwBg&ved=0CAcQ_AUoAg#tbm=isch&q=gun+control+statistics

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/wonkblog/wp/2012/12/14/nine-facts-about-guns-and-mass-shootings-in-the-united-states/

I also recommend watching this video, as it is an insight into teenagers views of gun control and the youth of America’s opinions about their country, something that is often overlooked.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiiUSA4zuNw

Pronouns: The Serious Stuff

(Follow up from last weeks post - Gender)

Pronouns, we all use them, we learn them from a very basic age in school, I have used five in this sentence. Pronouns are much more important than you think, and can have disastrous effects when used incorrectly. We all know the basic ones: you, us, they, he, she and etcetera. But what about the lesser known pronouns?

There are genders that exist outside of the binary of male and female, so what pronouns should they use? Some people prefer to be called ‘ze’ or ‘xe’ instead of ‘he’ or ‘she’, but it’s also understood that new pronouns are hard to understand, and thus most people who aren't male or female use ‘they’. 

Yes I know ‘they’ is also used to describe a group of multiple people, but it’s the only gender neutral personal pronoun there is, and therefore the only option for gender neutral people. Even if you don't really understand, or find it hard to separate the plural ‘they’ from the singular ‘they’, it’s important to respect someone's pronouns and use them correctly.

Correct pronouns are not what some people deserve for being nice, they are a basic human right. Using incorrect pronouns is incredibly transphobic and can trigger extreme dysphoric reactions. If you do it accidentally, apologise and correct yourself. Breezing over it will make it seem like you're ignoring the problem, and making a big deal out of it will attract attention to you, the trans person, and the situation. Simply say ‘oops, sorry I meant [insert proper pronoun here]’, and move on.

So who uses different pronouns? Is it wrong to assume pronouns? Should I ask everyone their preferred pronouns when I meet them?

People who use different pronouns will hopefully understand if you misgender them on the first try. Assuming gender isn't too bad unless you stick to your first assumptions when they correct you, but just remember not everyone is either male or female. If you are confused or unsure, ask. It’s better to ask than to assume incorrectly.

A brief list of some genders and their (usual) pronouns:

• Male = he
• Female = she
• Genderfluid = they
• Agender = they
• Demi-boy = he/they
• Demi-girl = she/they
• Bigender = they

Please note, this is subjective to a few people I know. Whatever someone requests as their pronouns, you use.

Using incorrect pronouns, even as a joke, is a terrible thing to do. Trans people are told from a young age that they are supposed to be something they're not, and using incorrect pronouns affirms that belief. It sounds like you're telling them they're wrong, and just rejecting their personality as a whole. It takes a lot of effort to come out as trans, even more when it’s a gender that you know most of your friends have never heard of, or don't believe in.

Please respect pronouns, and use them properly.

Also remember that this blog post is coming from a cisgender persons point of view. For more information and opinions from actual trans teens on pronouns, check out this page:

https://minus18.org.au/index.php/resource-packs/pronouns

Genders: The Serious Stuff

Genders are a lot more confusing and complicated than once thought. Like sexuality, it’s a spectrum rather than a binary, and everyone falls somewhere on it. It’s subjective, and doesn’t always follow sex, appearance, or sexual orientation. Genders should be respected, and knowing about them is important.

To start off with the basics, let’s cover the difference between sex and gender. 

Sex is your physiological body, it’s what you've got going on in your pants. Usually, this is male or female, but other sexes do exist. It also relates to your hormones and chromosomes. Males have XY chromosomes, and produce a hormone called testosterone. Females have XX chromosomes, and produce a hormone called oestrogen. Occasionally someone may be born with an extra chromosome, and hormones can be affected with certain drugs, which is what many transgender people use as part of their transitioning process.

Transitioning is where, using drugs, surgery and other methods, a person can change their physical sex. The drugs induce extra testosterone or oestrogen, and stop periods or lowing voices. The surgery is for genitals or other sex-specific aspects of the body, like breasts or hair. Transitioning can happen at any point in a trans person’s life, and does not have to happen at a young age. However it is expensive, and hard for young people to do without funds or parental permission. Other temporary methods such as binders are available.

Though this will make a trans person more comfortable, as they are finally satisfied with their form, it is not necessary to be validated as trans. A lot of people will be the sex they were designated at birth, either due to complications and limitations with transitioning, or due to the fact that their gender is not linked to male or female. They are still trans.

This is where the difference with gender is found. Gender is your psychological personality, who you are inside. Gender does not exist inside any sort of binary, and instead lies on a spectrum. There are many genders, and there is no way I could possibly list them all. Here are a few common ones:

• Cisgender Male – male and born as such
• Cisgender Female – female and born as such
• Transgender Male – male but not born as such
• Transgender Female – female but not born as such
• Agender – has no gender
• Bigender – has two genders, can be both at the same time or switch between them
• Genderfluid – has multiple genders, fluidly switches between them
• Demi boy – sometimes a boy sometimes something else
• Demi girl – sometimes a girl sometimes something else
• Non Binary – doesn't fit inside the ‘male’ or ‘female’ binary

All of these are perfectly valid, and as you can see, many of them don't correlate to a specific sex. This makes transitioning pointless for many people, and shows that it is not required to be considered trans. A transgender person is anyone who does not associate with the gender they were assigned at birth, not someone who has undergone surgery to change their sex. That is why we say transgender instead of transsexual, as it’s about gender rather than sex.

Different genders come with different pronouns, and these are also important to understand and respect. More on that in a later blog post.

There are a lot of genders, and it’s important not to judge or make assumptions upon them. If someone tells you their gender, and you've never heard of it before, that doesn't make it stupid or less valid, it just means you've never heard of it before. That being said, if someone says ‘I identify with plants’, that’s different. Firstly your gender can’t be a plant, that’s not what gender is, plant isn't gender. Secondly, that’s something called ‘otherkin’. Identifying with a physical or fictional object/person on an emotional level. It’s something I don't fully understand and it kind of baffles me, but it is a thing, apparently.

The point is, gender is a spectrum and there are countless types of gender, some of which probably aren't even named yet. Respect gender. It’s part of personality and a huge part of who people are. It’s not something to joke about or make fun of, trans people get enough of that already. Just respect it, and remember a trans person probably knows more about their gender than you do. Forget binary, open your mind, there's a lot of cool stuff out there.

Self Diagnosis: The Serious Stuff

In the modern day and age, it’s fairly easy to look up a wide range of scary diseases and illnesses on the internet. Self diagnosis has become a fairly popular new activity, sending many people to the doctor thinking they have a life-threatening illness because of an ache in their small toe.

However, better safe than sorry, and self diagnosis can often be a good thing. Though it is not right to waste the time and money of our free healthcare system, self diagnosis can often be the only way of seeing a problem.

You know yourself better than anyone else does, but sometimes it’s still really difficult to notice when something is amiss. In a physical sense, noticing a pain or irritation may be fairly simple. If any pain lasts for more than a few days, it’s probably best to check it out with a professional. Regular body check ups are incredibly helpful and can pick up on problems quickly. Don’t be afraid to know your own body, it’s easy to spot an irregularity when you know what’s regular.

For mental health, it’s a little different. Many symptoms are hard to notice as they come gradually over time, and may just feel like you're having a bad day or are overreacting about something. Though this may be true, sometimes consistency can mean problems.

It’s hard to notice these sorts of issues because of their progressive worsening. Often, others have to point out or guide a person suffering from these symptoms. However, when you haven't got anyone else around to help you, noticing the signs in your own body is very important.

Some symptoms include:

• Disturbed sleep pattern
• 
  
• Irregular eating habits
• 
  
• Feelings of detachment
• 
  
• Loneliness
• 
  
• Deviation from regular activities like going to School or Work
• 
  
• Unexplained anger or sadness

However symptoms can take up any form, any abnormal behaviour could be considered a symptom. 

It’s better to check rather than sit in silence, and even if it’s only a little problem it doesn't mean you don't deserve help. 

Helping Mental Health - The Little Things: The Serious Stuff

Mental health effects a lot of young people, much more than most people realise. Over the last few years there has been an increase in diagnosis of mental health disorders across the younger population, the most common being depression, anxiety, eating disorders and attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Surveys show that 1 of of 10 young people have a mental health disorder, and that’s just those who have been diagnosed. If you’re young, chances are you know someone affected by some sort of mental health disorder.

So what can you do? Chances are, you aren’t a trained psychologist. Helping out your friends may not so easy. If a friend trusts you enough to share that personal information with you, then you may feel obliged to help or sympathise with something that’s hard to understand. How can you help easily?

1.  If they're willing, talk to them about it!

This helps because not only does it show that you're interested and actually care about your friend, but it is also the best way of finding out information about their illness. Everyones mental health is personal to them, and mental health disorders affect individuals differently. The only way to know, is to ask!

2.   Respect their wishes.

If someone doesn't want to do or talk about something, understand that it’s probably a sensitive subject and not at all personal. Also if they are being somewhat over dramatic or clingy, it’s likely to be due to the illness. Put up with it for their sake.

3.   Give them space.

It’s important to know when to leave people alone. Sometimes they might just be having a bad day, and need some time alone for themselves. If they come off as rude or cold, it’s probably not intentional. Sometimes they just need a little bit of downtime to recharge their social batteries.

4.   Stay with them.

I know the previous point said to leave them alone, but sometimes people want the opposite. If they're feeling unwanted and alone, then having you there supporting them does help. Don't assume they want space unless they tell you, because accidentally avoiding them or not talking to them will make them feel abandoned.

5.   Offer other means of help!

Often, young people are more likely to tell their friends or siblings about their problems than their parents. Parents come with some sort of authority, and that is intimidating and scary to spill out your raw emotions to. Parents also come from an older generation, and are therefore less likely to sympathise and understand these problems. You are not their parents, you are their friend, and this means they will trust you more. Use this to make them feel like they aren't alone, and try to think rationally for them. A mind hindered by mental illness may not even realise it is ill, let alone seek help. If the situation is really bad, try to nudge the person towards finding professional help. This can be done without parents in absolute confidentiality and can be extremely useful, don't be afraid to ask for help!

6.   Help them see the sunny side.

It may sound cheesy, but a good laugh always helps a bad mood. At first, let them get everything off their chest (if they want to), and tell them you understand and sympathise with their problems. Then you can take them out somewhere fun, or just stay in and do something together. The point is you do something nice with them, to help them feel a little better. It’s not to distract from the problem, or ignore it, more to help ease the pain and display the good parts of life. Plus, there’s nothing wrong with having a good time!

All in all, just try to be a good friend. Though you may not understand or comprehend what is going on in your friend’s head, you can still be there for them. You are their friend for a reason, after all.

And if you're struggling with mental health, stay strong. Turn to a friend or a sibling or a parent. And remember, more people love you than you think.

What do we say to the God of Death?

The Importance of Representation: The Serious Stuff

As a society, we are massively effected by the media. It defines our ideas about what we don’t already know, shaping assumptions and stereotypes based on what it presents to us. The media is our gateway to the rest of the world, outside our own personal bubbles. This means that what it does and doesn’t show us is incredibly important.

Representation in the media is something people have been fighting for for a long time. It effects a lot of the population: women, ethnic groups, the LGBATQ community, people with disabilities, mental health patients and many more. Chances are, if you’re not angry about representation, you’re probably already being represented.

Let’s get some stats in here, shall we?

Representation of women:

•  10% of all films have a gender balanced cast (20% in the UK, 0% in Australia, France, Japan, India and the USA).
• 31% of speaking roles are occupied by females.
• 23% of films have a female protagonist.
• Women in film at 2x more likely to be shown in sexual clothing.
• Out of those women sexualised in film, 36% are teenagers, 32% adults and 15% middle aged.
• Comments about appearance are 5x more likely to be made towards female characters than male.
• 24.2% of females will have a nude scene, and 38.5% are thin. This may seem low, but it is compared to 11.5% and 15.7% for males.
• Male characters are 22.5% more likely to be employed.
• In the industry females make up 22.7% of producers, 19.7% of writers and 7% of directors.

Representation of race:

• Across 100 top-grossing films of 2012, only 10.8% of speaking characters are Black, 4.2% are Hispanic, 5% are Asian, and 3.6% are from other (or mixed race) ethnicities. 76.2% are white.
• Hispanic characters are 8.3% more likely to be shown in sexy attire than white characters, and 7% more likely to be fully nude.
• In the industry 5.5% of directors are black males, for females this drops to less than 1%.
• It is shown that when the director is black, the characters are 42.7% more likely to be black.

Representation of LGBT:

• 13.7% of characters identified as either lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender. That’s 14 out of the 102 major films reviewed. 25 LGBT characters in total.
• 64.7% of these featured gay male characters, 23.5% featured lesbian characters, 17.7% contained bisexual characters, and 11.8% contained transgender female characters.
• Male LGBT characters outnumbered female characters 64% to 36%.
• Of the 25 different characters counted, 19 were white (76%) while only 3 were Black/African American (12%), 2 were Asian/ Pacific Islander (8%), and 1 was Latino (4%).
• Of the 102 films reviewed, 19 were comedies and 8 contained LGBT characters.

All of this simply proves the point of unequal representation, which is something most of the people reading this will know about and understand already. What this blog post is really about, however, is the importance of equal representation.

As I mentioned in the first paragraph, the media depicts how we see the world. It’s supposed to be a representation of how things are, or how things should be. So when we see that women are almost 2x more sexualised than men, it can be really damaging.

This is most effective on the youth. Young people have smaller views of the world than adults, as they haven’t been around as long to learn and form their own thoughts and opinions. So when young girls see that 91.5% of legal professionals in film are male, it shows them that being a lawyer is only for men.

This unequal representation also breeds hate through xenophobia (fear of something different). People, in general, don’t like things they don’t know or understand. Due to the limited positive representation of people with disabilities, the LGBATQ community and people with mental health issues, things like this are not seen as ‘normal’. 

People with disabilities are seen as weak and are used as a pity device. The LGBATQ community are seen as unnatural, confused or just used for comedic purposes (this especially applies to trans people), discounting the seriousness of LGBT completely. People with mental health issues are seen as aggressive and dangerous; there is a reason why an insane asylum is still one of the most popular settings for horror films/games.

What I’m trying to say is: lack of representation displays things that are not shown to be not normal. This is extremely toxic because it gives people a twisted idea of the norm, breeding xenophobia and hateful stereotypes.

It is also worth noting that data I have used above is for film only. Media is not just film, there are many platforms such as Television, the Internet and things like Video Games where the statistics are very different. 

In the gaming industry especially, there is a massive gender divide. The amount of female characters drops from 31% (in film) to 15%. This drops further for female protagonists, making up only 4%, and only 40% of games have the option to take up a female character in multiplayer. As a lover of games, this is especially disappointing. Seeing no option for my gender to be the hero in almost every game I have seen or played is extremely discouraging. Furthermore, when there is a female character, she is usually used as a love interest for the male protagonist, or as someone to kill off so the male has a reason to do something. Over 80% of female characters are either sexualised, scantily clad or a vision of beauty, created for a straight male audience. Even though recent studies have shown that 48% of gamers are female.

In summary, representation in media is something that effects a lot of us without us realising it. It is something that needs to change drastically, the sooner the better. Luckily, there are a lot of people being made aware of these issues and calling industries out on unequal representation. Recently, there has been many complaints towards Ubisoft for their decision to make another male protagonist in their Assassin’s Creed series, so far an all male line up. This pushed them to give ‘Assassin’s Creed Chronicles: China’ a female protagonist.

Pushes like these need to continue, as equal representation will not only encourage and include a much wider group of people, but also give a much fairer example of something other than the straight white male. This will decrease xenophobia and hateful stereotypes, decreasing sexism, racism and homophobia in the process. This is especially helpful for todays youth.

Sources:

http://www.glaad.org/sri/2014/overview

http://seejane.org/wp-content/uploads/gender-bias-without-borders-full-report.pdf

http://annenberg.usc.edu/sitecore/shell/Applications/~/media/PDFs/RaceEthnicity.ashx

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_representation_in_video_games

What Is Polysexuality?: The Serious Stuff

I consider myself to know a fair bit about gender and sexuality, if someone names a gender identity or sexual orientation I’ll probably know what it is. Scrolling the internet earlier today, I saw mention of something I didn’t recognise, and decided to do some digging. I thought I'd share what I found.

If I give you the word 'polysexuality’ your mind may jump to polyamorous or polyamory, as mine did. A polyamorous relationship is a romantic relationship between three or more people, where all are comfortable with sharing each other. This however, is not what polysexuality is.

In it’s simplest form, polysexuality is attraction outside the gender binary. That doesn't mean attraction to only people who are outside the gender binary, it means attraction where gender isn’t a factor. 

Polysexual Flag

Almost all sexual orientation is based off of gender. Hetrosexual is the same gender. Homosexual is the opposite gender. Bisexual is the same and opposite gender. It all factors down to who you are gender-wise. Polysexual is different. It is the mantra of ‘I like who I like, regardless of gender.’

The most difficult thing I had to grasp about polysexuality was the difference between it and pansexuality and bisexuality. Polysexuals like everyone, the word ‘poly’ even means many. How is this different from bisexuality and pansexuality?

Both of these are focused on gender, with ‘bi’ being two and ‘pan’ being all. Bisexuals and pansexuals feel attraction to gender, whereas polysexuals do not. Though polysexuals may feel attraction to a lot of people like bi and pan people do, it’s just not in the same way. To quote someone’s description of why they identify as poly, ‘I fell in love with people, not plumbing’.

All in all, polysexuality is a completely different way of looking at the nature of sexual attraction, and definitely something I think more people should know about.

Sources:

http://www.aq.org/js/sexuality/ivy-poly.html

https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080716081129AAIhzEq

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polysexuality

Safety in Dating: The Serious Stuff

As you might have noticed, it's valentines week on the blog! I am tasked with the burden of attempting to find the serious side of this celebration of love. As a whole, valentines day is a fun celebration of love and relationships, whether it be your partner or your best friend. This means that finding something serious to talk about (without ranting about commercialism) is a bit tricky.

So instead, I have decided to focus on being safe with relationships and dating. When your single, valentines day can seem like an exaggeration of your loneliness compared to everyone else's relationships. Therefore in the wake of the 14th of February a lot of people desperately search for dates, but you need to stay safe! So here's a list of tips for you.

Going out on the town to hook up:

• Stay in groups! Strength in numbers in every sense of the word.
• If your drink has been spiked the side effects will probably take effect within 15-30 minutes, but it could be several hours
• Symptoms of drink spiking include lowered inhibitions, difficulty concentrating or speaking, loss of balance and finding it hard to move, visual problems (particularly blurred vision),, paranoia (a feeling of fear or distrust of others), hallucinations (seeing, hearing or touching things that aren't there) or having an "out of body" experience, nausea and vomiting or unconsciousness. Experiencing any of these means you should get to a safe place with someone you know and trust, just in case you pass out.
• Don't accept drinks from anyone you don't know personally. If you do then go to the bar with them and take the drink from the bar staff themselves.
• Try to avoid giving out personal information, you don't know who may overhear you.
• Make plans for your journey home. Tell someone when you think you're going to get back by so they can keep an eye out for you.
• If someone comes onto you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, call them out on it. I know this can be incredibly hard to do, but it is the most effective and fast way of getting them to back off.
• Know the area you're in! If you're abroad or just in an unfamiliar parts of town, find a safe place you can go to if you feel unsafe.

Online safety:

• Personal information safety! Most people on the internet aren't weird stalkers, but there are a few dodgy people out there that you would not want to give your home address to.
• Skype calls are a good, safe way of checking if people are who they say they are. If you've been talking for a bit, offer a Skype call!
• If you're sending nude photo's to someone, make sure you completely trust them. If they do get shared, people may blame you instead of the person who violated your privacy, so make sure you know they will keep them to themselves. 
• Another tip for nudes: If you have naked pictures of someone under the age of 18 on your personal device, that is child pornography and is a serious criminal offence. If your under sixteen, don't take or send nudes. If you're sixteen and up but still not an adult, snapchat is your friend (but screenshots are still a thing).

Safety in relationships (general):

• Make sure you can recognise signs of abuse in any forms, you need to know if you should walk out.
• If you fear your partner in any way, that is a red flag.
• Talk to people about your relationship! They don't have to know everything, obviously, but they will be able to pick up on any changes or negative signs you might miss.
• If you have a problem with your partner, talk to them. Communication is a massive part of a successful relationship and is key when sorting out arguments or tension.
• Don't worry about how fast the relationship is going or if it's following the stereotypical movie-type plot. If you're both happy and comfortable, then the relationship will work itself out.

Safety in relationships (sexual):

• Know your partner well. Their comfort zones are incredibly important and you should make sure they know yours too.
• Trust your partner before you try to push any boundaries, and make sure they trust you.
• Do not push or pressure them. At all.
• Be safe! Whether with a long term partner or a one night stand, birth control is never a bad choice. Also make sure you have your own forms of contraception on you, just in case. (Plus other than pregnancy things like condoms stop STD's and STI's as well.)
• This is gonna sound weird, but if you're putting anything in a place it's not supposed to go (i.e. but stuff): lube.
• If you're doing some BDSM type stuff, know your safewords. Also aftercare is perhaps more important than the sex itself. Always keep it safe, sane and consensual.

Stay safe kids!

Sources: 

http://buzz.bournemouth.ac.uk/facts-about-drink-spiking/

http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/abuse/Pages/drink-spiking.aspx

http://youngwomenshealth.org/2013/09/13/safety-in-relationships/

https://www.getsafeonline.org/social-networking/online-dating/

White Privilege: The Serious Stuff

• It’s hard to see racism when you're white, but it exists all around us. I am white, I try not to be racist, but I still benefit from a system of institutionalised racism and discrimination. This is more commonly known as white  privilege.
• 
  
• In it’s simplest form, white privilege is the fact that ‘skin coloured’ is a white persons skin. It is the fact that snapchat has emojis of three generations of a white family with only two POCs (people of colour) to be found. It is the fact that I am about 78% more likely to be admitted to university than a POC.
  
  
  Admitting you’re privileged is a hard thing to do, and a lot of people struggle with it. Ultimately, however, it is obvious. Society views us on different standards, it’s so ingrained in our day to day lives that we don’t even notice it.
  
  
  Some of you may have heard about the shooting of Michael Brown in summer of last year. An infamous case that has been the source of many protests, both peaceful and violent. 
  
  
  On the 9th of August, 18-year-old Michael Brown was shot dead by 28-year-old Darren Wilson, a police officer. Brown was shot in the chest and shoulder, with Wilson firing a total of twelve bullets. Brown was on the ground with his hands above his head when he was shot, he was unarmed. Michael Brown was black. Darren Wilson was white. Darren Wilson did not face any criminal charges.
  
  
  So why has this sparked so much controversy? 
  
  
  On the 26th of December around 4pm, Julia Shields, 45, drove around a neighbourhood in Tennesse dressed in full body armour shooting randomly into other vehicles. She was apprehended by police in a car park, which lead to a car chase around town where she pointed to other cars with her weapon and at the police. She was taken into custody without incident or injury. Julia Shields was white.
  
  
  White privilege is the fact that, simply due to the colour of their skin, a white woman threatening the lives of others is in prison, and a black unarmed teenager shouting ‘don’t shoot!’ is dead.
  
  
  Unfortunately, white privilege is something white people are born into, wether we want it or not. It’s deeply ingrained within us, rooted deeper everyday by the media and other societal conventions. It is so easy to form stereotypes and prejudices, even the youngest minds are effected. 
  
  
  To see the effect of prejudice and discrimination, I suggest you watch the videos below about an experiment done in 1968 by Jane Elliott, showing how easily children are affected by authority figures and how quickly they form stereotypes and discriminate.
  
  
  
  
  So, we're privileged, what can we do about it?  
  
  
  Listen to POC and their problems, listen to their experiences of everyday racism and see what we can change about ourselves to fix that. The main thing to understand is that we are the problem, as a race. You might not be racist, but by ignoring the problem, you are contributing to it.
  
  
  Educate other people. Someone talking about the difficulties of immigration and how it means they are less likely to get a job with all these POC taking them? You shut that down immediately by explaining that they are not entitled to any job, and that therefore no one can ‘take’ it from them. Part of our privilege is that people are more likely to listen to us, lets use that.
  
  
  Don't expect POC to put up with your privilege, or take pity on your ignorance. They have to deal with it every day, from birth to the day they die, they have no sympathy for you. Let them call you out. Don’t be angry when they point out your ignorance, learn from it instead.
  
  
  White people are privileged. Understand it, accept it, and then help change it.
• 
  
• Further Education:
• Why Are All The Black Kids Sitting Together In The Cafeteria by Dr. Beverly Daniel Tatum
• Black Like Me by John Howard Griffin
• The Autobiography of Malcolm X by Malcolm X as told to Alex Haley
• White Like Me by Tim Wise
• How The Irish Became White by Noel Ignatiev
• killing rage by bell hooks
• "Roots" TV miniseries
• Incidents In The Life Of A Slave Girl by Harriet Jacobs
• A People’s History of the United States by Howard Zinn
• STFU Confederates
• Whiteness Studies
• Lies My Teacher Told Me
• Resist Racism
• 
  
• Sources:
• http://nces.ed.gov/pubs2014/2014083.pdf
• http://www.dailykos.com/story/2014/12/30/1354762/--White-Woman-Goes-on-Shooting-Spree-yet-somehow-isn-t-automatically-Killed-By-Police#
• http://amptoons.com/blog/files/mcintosh.html
• http://thisiswhiteprivilege.tumblr.com/tagged/privilege 
• http://www.vanityfair.com/news/daily-news/2014/11/ferguson-grand-jury-verdict-darren-wilson
• http://wtfwhiteprivilege.tumblr.com/wellintentioned