Rape Culture: Life, Advice and Rants

'1 in 3 men would rape if they knew they would get away with it.' - CDC (United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention)

I was never raped, but when I was 13 you had to wear shorts under your school skirts so boys would catch a peak when they lifted them up without your permission

I was never raped, but when I was 15 I didn’t like going running on the main road as some older men would yell out inappropriate suggestions

I was never raped, but when I was 16 a man old enough to be my father grabbed my bum while I was working as a waitress in front of a full restaurant

I was never raped, but when I was 17 I was inappropriately touched up in a festival crowd by some boy I had never seen before and who didn’t understand the word no.

I was never raped, but I get one of my colleagues to walk me home after every late shift even though I live only a five minute walk away

I was never raped, but there are things I don’t wear and places that I can’t go back too and things that I can’t face doing again because I don’t want the consequences. Its the consistent reminder of what did I do to allow that person to touch me without consent and whether it was my fault or not.

I was never raped, but I’m always, always thinking about consequences. Not the consequences of my own actions or decisions, but the consequences of someone else’s. Thinking about the consequences that might come about because someone else decides that what I’m wearing or how drunk I am or who I’m with will somehow give them permission or an opportunity.

That’s rape culture, that’s ‘boys will be boys’, that’s oppressing what we as women are allowed to do, allowed to wear and allowed to act. Rape culture is teaching girls how not to get raped rather than teaching boys not to rape. Its the fact that the World Health Organisation state that 1 in 3 women worldwide will experience some form of sexual violence in their lifetime. 

Its the fact that this month, Brock Turner was only sentenced to 6 months in jail for the sexual assault of a young woman behind a dumpster at Standford University because the judge stated 'a prison sentence would have a severe impact on him...I think he will not be a danger to others.' His father said that Turner should not have to go to prison for '20 minutes of action'. What does this say to society? That a young boy who destroys a woman's sense of personal safety shouldn't be imprisoned because of the effect it would have on him?

No one should be afraid to go out and have fun, to enjoy the things they love or be forced to wear certain things because it won't provoke unwanted attention. It should be fathers telling sons what is okay not constantly reminding women to be responsible and cautious. Its not asking 'what were you wearing?', 'did you lead him on?' and 'well you should of done this'. Society needs to place blame on those who rape not the victims of such a hideous crime. Boys will not be boys. Boys will be held accountable for their actions.

My dress is not a yes, my silence is not consent, there is no obligation, no just means no.

PILLOWTALK- ZAYN

After it was announced on the 25th March that Zayn Malik would be leaving One Direction, fans went into meltdown. Now almost a year later and Zayn has gone solo; releasing his debut single 'PILLOWTALK'. 

After 5 years of One Direction, Zayn decided to leave the tour due to 'stress' and later left the band because he wanted to 'be a normal 22-year old'. However after multiple interviews we now get the impression that Zayn was actually just unhappy in the band and that he never really had the chance to decide if it was for him. Now he is due to release an album with 'PILLOWTALK' being his debut single. 

The song immediately reached number 1 in 60 countries after its release today. The song was also trending on Twitter worldwide- no doubt helped by the fact that supermodel girlfriend Gigi Hadid features in the video. The video directed by filmmaker Bouha Kazmi has many racy shots of the couple and earlier today they exchanged flirtatious tweets about it on twitter. The song seems to be the first of many and Zayn has announced the album 'Mind of Mine' will be released on the 25th March; exactly a year after leaving One Direction.

It seems the song has had many mixed reviews of fans but is bringing in a whole new audience in which Zayn is trying to achieve. However, when the album is released I'm sure it will bring us plenty of surprises from the Bradford lad!

I Refuse to be Defined: Life, Advice and Rants

So after what seems forever, I felt a sudden urge to post this week. What better way to get things running again then by complaining...I don't think I have never felt more British. Its the beginning of the academic year which generally means new classes with people you may not necessarily know. This leads teachers to do the common go around the table and introduce ourselves. I have no problem with introductions, what I do have an issue with is the ice breaker that also comes up in most job interviews, 'define yourself in one word'. I'm going to be honest with you, I absolutely loathe the question. Now you have read this far you are going to find out why.

The idea that it is even possible to accumulate all your characteristics, personality and self into one single word ultimately can degrade ones worth. I'm a woman, white, twin, agnostic, enfj personality, slytherin, optimist, extrovert, rock music enthusiast, friend and many other things. How can it really be possible to combine all of these qualities into one word. I refuse to let one single word define me, peoples self worth is far more important then to be forced into reducing it down no basic nothingness. 

Even attempting to pick one single label brings about itself a whole load of stereotypes that come attached to it. These preconceived notions are different to everyone, so how could everyone understand what you mean even if you are able to chose a word. I could say I'm an extrovert, one person may say that makes me confident. I can be but I also have low self esteem. Another person could interpret that I am thick skinned, again I can be but I am also quite sensitive and openly emotional. Words can be taken in so many different ways, so associating one to a persons whole identity seems some what pointless. 

We can spend our whole lives finding ways to express who we are to the world around us. Letting history tell us how good or bad we are. Letting our past decide our future. Or we can decide for ourselves, gathering experience and belief's to create a changeable but complex identity. We mean different things to different people, that can barely be covered by human language, let alone evaluated into one word. 

Now come to think of it, I can define myself in one word. Undefinable. Because no ones worth should be restrained.

5 YEARS OF ONE DIRECTION

Hello and welcome back to Friday's posts on the celeb culture world. I am very sorry for my slacking and there is no excuse now exams are over so I will be back! I promise.

I thought that the best thing to blog about would be about One Direction's 5th year anniversary of them being put together as a group on X Factor. We all know a love a it of 1D. From breaking records, winning awards, creating a movie, touring and releasing 'Four' albums it has all been very busy and a non stop roller coaster. 

Your Twitter timeline may have blown up yesterday (23rd July) at 8:22pm as that is the exact time they were put together. ahah is that sad? yes... But honestly they had had the best career in 5 years and I have loved every second. I wanted to share some of my favourite experiences and just kind of go a little bit into fan mode so please just allow it okay. It seems the most talked about thing about them at the moment is still Zayn leaving which is understandable but lets talk about 2011. An amazing year for the boys! I saw them for the very first time at the X Factor tour and the same year their very first single 'What Makes You Beautiful' was released. It is still such a fabulous tune ahah and after that their debut album Up All Night was released. An album which was just the beginning... 

Now I feel very lucky to say I have had tickets to go to every one of their tours and I have seen the boys in total 6 times! By far my favourite memory and probably one of the best days of my life was winning tickets through The Sun to see them live in Manchester (about 4 hours away from where I live) and having my Twitter question read out by the boys. omg I died. 

(skip to 2.09 for my question ahah @charlytommo )

So enough rambling, what have the boys got lined up? 

A fifth album is due and their On The Road Again tour is ongoing. It is rumoured they will take a break after this album and with rumours of a baby Tomlinson it may be for the best. However as always in this industry these are all just allegations and we will have to wait for confirmation. But for now here is to 5 years of One Direction!

Self Esteem: Life, Advice and Rants

I could take an educated guess that most of you reading this are most likely to be teenagers. As we all know, adolescence is quite a difficult time of exams, relationships and friends. More often than not, it is also the time where most of our self esteems plummet to basically no existent as we struggle to love what makes us, us.  Self esteem is defined as a person's overall subjective emotional evaluation of their own worth. It is a judgement of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self. 

But why talk about it? Over the course of ones lifetime, the self esteem experienced can alter form high to low due to external influences we come across throughout. Someone experiencing positive self esteem will generally approach things thinking they are a good person who deserves love and support and can succeed in life. Someone with a low/negative self esteem will generally think they are not good at things, don't deserve love or support and that situations will work out badly for them. 

Many different factors come into play with whether someone is experiencing low or high self esteem. Moving school, health problems, family difficulties, bereavement, being bullied etc can all change the type of self esteem someone is currently feeling. Dependent on the person, some bounce back after time whereas some struggle with loving who they are again. 

Teenagers often have lower self esteems because of coping with the pressure of peers, body image, grades and parents. Teenage years are difficult, we are socially expected to look and act in a desirable way which can be something that people find uncomfortable. It can make teens think that who they are, isn't good enough for everyone else and then begin to assume that means they aren't even good enough for themselves. Its quite sad, don't you think?

As most of us probably know, poor self esteem can lead to more serious mental illnesses such as eating disorders, depression and anxiety. Being lead to believe that the parts of you others adore, are worhtless is such a punch in the gut. No one should believe that what makes them the person they are isn't good enough for themselves.

When you think about yourself and parts of your personality, appearance etc many tend to focus on the one person who doesn't accept you compared to all those who do. You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not found anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserves your love and affection. The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.

Take a moment and think, do I love me? If yes, your heading in the right direction. If no, believe in the positives others around you say and focus your attention on the things you value as good qualities. In this world we should being by saying: 'I'm good at...' or 'I like this part of my personality' because it shows you value yourself and that if one person finds it obnoxious, another will find it brave. The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely but is worth it because of the happiness one will experience by acceptance. 

Self esteem is as important to our well being as legs are to a table. It is essential for physical and mental health but more importantly, it is essential for happiness. If anything take one thing from this 'don't base your self esteem on others opinions' and I am sure you will do just fine

  

The Round Up: England Women's World Cup Journey

On Wednesday night, our England Ladies team unfortunately lost out on their World Cup final dream in the most heartbreaking fashion when a last minute own goal from England's own Laura Bassett ended the lionesses history making journey meaning Japan will take on USA in the final today. 

Yet, there was still a chance to make some more history as the team prepared themselves for a 3rd place playoff against the mighty force Germany, ranked 1st in the world. Even more daunting is the fact the Lionesses had not beaten two-time World Cup winners Germany in 20 attempts, so nerves were running high. 

The game remained goalless for the full 90 minutes, although there was opportunity for Germany to score 3 times within the first 10 minutes. It took an impressive goal line clear by captain Steph Houghton to prevent the tournaments top goal scorer Celia Sasic from leading the European champions.  Houghton had the best opening of the first half but mistimed her shot from seven yards. There was also a strong penalty appeal as Kemme appeared to block Potter's shot with her hand. England goalkeeper Karen Bardsley made some superb saves, protected England from a Sara Daebritz's header. 

The game dragged on into extra time, then England were sent a blessing. In the second period of extra time, England were rewarded with a spot kick after substitute Lianne Sanderson was brought down by Tabea Kemme. Fara Williams, who is England's record cap holder, beat retiring German goalkeeper Nadine Angerer for her third penalty of the tournament and gave the lionesses the lead. 

When the whistle blew, England sunk to the turf and celebrated as they most certainly deserved to do after a phenomenal World Cup campaign in which the ladies created history with a performance that was the second best by an England senior team following the 1966 win by the men's side and eclipsed the 1990 men's team, who finished fourth in Italy.

Coach Mark Sampson regarded that he had always believed the girls to be legends and so they are. This World Cup journey has inspired a generation of girls to tie up their football boots and aspire to achieve what just half a century ago would not be possible. Former England international Rachel Yankey on BBC Three describe the campaign: "I don't think anyone believed they would go the full seven matches. They so nearly went to the final. It is amazing but these players believed. They created history."

This tournament has shed a new light on Women's football as a nation learnt of the new pride. I personally have been quite emotional seeing the women I admire do the unthinkable and make the game I love creditable to all those who doubted the female game. Kelly Simmons, the Football Association's director of women's football, summed up perfectly England's 2015 World Cup journey in saying that the tournament has led England to 'fall in love with the Lionesses'. 

Choosing a University: Life, Advice and Rants

As you know, all of us girls here on Almost1998 are at the scary university hunting stage which has placed fear into where to go for the next 3+ years of our life. Though daunting it can be the best years of your life and personally, I can't wait to dive straight into the university life of making friends, surviving on my own, parties and obviously the course itself. The most important thing is that you make sure where you go is somewhere you want to stay, so here are some tips when deciding where you want to carry on your further education.

- Pick a course you love

There is probably nothing worse then getting to so much student debt to just plod along a course you don't really love. Though it may not be directly related to your future career ideas or might not be a highly recognised, don't think you shouldn't do it. If you enjoy your learning then you will want to do well and work hard because it interests you so think about what you love and go for it!

- Visit Open Days

So far this summer I have visited Bath Spa, Birmingham and today City University London and I couldn't recommend visiting as many university you have an interest in. The opens days give you an opportunity to investigate further about the course you like, what university life will be like and accomidation offers. These can help pick out which university is best suited for you

- Location, location, location 

With universities all over the country and options to even go aboard, it is important to know what kind of area you are looking to study in. Outgoing people would probably look for the nightlife so would lean towards inner city universities whereas others may look for a quite university that is a bit closer to home. It is important to know how far away you are willing to go, whether you go half way across the country or the university even where you live.

So here are just some of the tips I gathered from my trips across country looking for my new home and study in hopefully a year. Just remember this is where you will most likely stay for the maybe more than 3 years of your life so take it seriously. This is one important decision but you don't have to take it alone, talk to others around you to help with your ideas and options. For more help look at https://www.ucas.com for more information.